Prompt #2
balance is the name of the game, and Julia Cameron is our dame
process/product is a newsletter dedicated to sharing the the nitty-gritty of the creative process. As a subscriber, you will get bi-weekly creative prompts. The first few months, the prompts will be offered to all subscribers. But for the sake of facilitating an energetic exchange between me and you, bi-weekly prompts will become a paid subscriber perk by April.
All subscribers will get 1-2 monthly craft essays, but paid subscribers will be the sole recipients of the bi-weekly prompts starting April.
After the weekly prompt, if you scroll down you will get an update on how the previous prompt played out for me! You are not alone~! I’m doing them with you!
UPDATE ON PROMPT #1
my friend
texted me shortly after the first prompt was sent out. He asked, rightfully, “Have you deleted the apps yet?” I had set up the autopost days before, and figured I would eventually need to follow through on what I had said out loud. AND ALEX, MY GUARDIAN ANGEL, DID WHAT I NEEDED MOST: HELD ME ACCOUNTABLE. (Also, subscribe to — not only is he an incredible friend, but a brilliant writer. Also, the first person I ever co-taught a writing workshop alongside. Alex is a mensch).He did compliment this newsletter first, which is the most effective way to catalyze me into action:
compliment me + hold me accountable = i’ll do it, dammit.
On Monday, January 20th, moments after receiving that text, I deleted every social off of my phone.
What is insane is that I have never done that— deleted the socials from my phone. Not once, not ever. No, more like I wanted to take a Break then re-downloaded it hours later. Embarrassing, but this newsletter is dedicated to sharing the ugly part of the process- so I am willing to admit that I am addicted to simulating connection, external validation, and the dopamine rush of mindless, endless consumption.
At first, it was cathartic. I ended up actually writing— shocking, I know. But I started to notice the deep need— a well-worn pull— to fill the minor moments of my days with nonsense. Social media has trained me to dissociate from the in-between moments. I can’t sit and just… wait in line. Drive home and exit my vehicle. Poop in silence.
Coming off the socials, I needed a temporary withdrawal solution. No longer able to scroll on the toilet, I placed a book of poetry next to the toilet. This fix kept me in the flow state of writing, buoyed by new input, a poetic voice that wasn’t my own. I allowed myself to check Instagram on my web-browser. I couldn’t help but marvel at how bad the web browser interface is, but then realized that they will never change it because they want me to grow so frustrated that I re-download the app.
I played so many hours of Sims… my true dissociative of choice. Fear not, an essay will explore that very, very powerful sedative. But nonetheless, it kept me off the apps.
By Thursday, I woke up at noon. I immediately felt shame— I had wasted the day. But when I got through my morning routine (a concept I’m obsessed with, ripe for the picking re: process/product), I sat down an hour later to work on my book proposal.
I entered a fugue state: I started outlining my book— from Chapter 1 to the final tentative chapter— deciphering what I want to say, what I actually want to tell, and what I experienced over the course of my whole life. And by the time I came to four hours later, I was dry-heaving, sobbing so hard in front of my laptop that my boyfriend came into the room. His arms around me, all I could bellow was OH MY GOD THAT WAS BAD that was SO BAD
*suck in air*
I FORGIVE MYSELF
OH MY GOD I FORGIVE MYSELF
*DRY HEAVE* I UNDERSTAND MYSELF BETTER
I FORGIVE MYSELF
We climbed into bed, we held each other for a few hours. Shake-y, unable to hold my body up; it felt insurmountable to take tiny sips from my Nalgene. I had birthed something, something that I couldn’t do before. All because I wasn’t numbing myself with reels and stories and messages.
It only took four days to step out of the numbing trance and to step into my work.
After dinner, you best believe I played four + hours of Sims to really turn that brain off.
In short: I wrote the outline for what I’ve been meaning to write for the past nine years. And all it took was deleting fucking socials off of my phone.
WHO KNEW. TURNS OUT, WHEN YOU CLOSE THE DOOR TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, YOU CAN ACTUALLY HEAR YOUR OWN VOICE.
So, if you haven’t done Prompt #1, I encourage you to take the time:
Also, just generally, H I G H L Y recommend/ suggest deleting the socials off of your phone. If it’s important, you will find out— you don’t have to be the first, you don’t have to have a take. It’s bad out there, and it is okay to protect yourself. Make your home a sacred space, block out the noise, so you can do your art.
This week with my Artist’s Way cohort, we are on Week 4: which means we have to do the reading fast. I am dreading it because I love to read. However, I always suggest for non-readers to abstain from socials. So, I will try to do both: cold turkey on books and socials. Pray for me. If you see me posting, it’s an outside scheduler.
I both look forward and fear what will come of this— Mama needs to get her head back in the game.
PROMPT #2: Draw a life pie, as prescribed by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way.
I have shared this exercise in Julia Cameron’s own hand because I cannot take credit for this prompt. But it is, without a single doubt, my favorite Artist’s Way exercise/tool.
This is the most powerful tool when it comes to balance. Every few months, I draw the circle, come back to the book to remember the six different sections, and let myself see where I need to put more focus.
It is easy to feel shame for what is not “enough,” but I am giving you permission to not fall into that trap.
Information is power: you can always adjust.
It is impossible to be in perfect balance all the time. We are constantly re-adjusting, re-calibrating; there is no way to stay balanced all the time, forever and ever.
Part of my creative process has been exploring new mediums, and Youtube is my newest venture. My gen-z intern/ Artist’s Way student has been teaching me a platform that makes me feel like an absolute Boomer. But I am always trying to try new things.
I bring this up because I did my own Life Pie in my second video, so you can feel better by my lop-sided circle (and my zodiac killer hand-writing):
Be gentle with yourself. Use what you find to take action. And don’t be afraid to use the Life Pie when you need it.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that feeling balanced is incredibly healing, if not instrumental to stepping into creative flow. Use this information to place more attention and care to what is missing, and you’ll be blown away by the next time you do it by what you find.
Do you love the Life Pie? Hate it? TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME~!!
Please, share this prompt with anyone who could benefit:
And please, don’t forget to subscribe!
This is a new venture, and so your feedback is solicited. I want to know what feels good, what doesn’t, what you think. But remember: I respond to compliments reallllly well ;) (lol)
(portrait taken by the incomparable
who is the only person I will ever allow to photograph me ever— this was taken in LA in December, week before hell broke loose. A beautiful moment, forever frozen in time)XOXOXOXOXXO,
PAULINA